How To Go To The Pub

It’s that festive time of year when decent, honest boozers are plagued by non-drinkers. And not real non-drinkers, not people who don’t ever drink, they’re fine. We’re talking about people who don’t go near a pub for 11 months out of the year, the kind of awful human beings who buy their beer from supermarkets with the weekly shop, people who consume such a laughable quantity of alcohol that they can only be designated as “non-drinkers”.

Whether it’s the Christmas Work’s Do or a Festive Drink With Friends, you are ruining pubs for the rest of us. Everyone hates you. Every actual drinker in the pub hates you and all the serving staff hate you. You’re awful. Here’s a guide on how to not be quite so awful.

[Before we start it’s worth pointing out that this guide is NOT sexist and misogynistic, it’s just that 98% of these things apply almost exclusively to women, because women are so very bad at The Pub]

Do Not Approach The Bar Until You Know What You Want

• The bar is an intricate machine full of seperate-yet-interconnecting cogs. It is NOT the place to think or choose or decide. The engine only works if everyone knows their place and performs their function. Do you hear that collective groan as you ask the Bartender if they’ve got Cranberry Juice? Or as you turn around to ask Barbara what she wants to drink? That groan is you single-handedly sucking life away from your fellow drinkers. Make a decision first, then go to the bar and order what you’ve selected. Just like ANY OTHER FORM OF COMMERCE!

Don’t Start Drinking At 4pm

• You’re NOT a drinker. We haven’t seen you all year. You’re an amature, so don’t start out with a Marathon. You can’t just rock up to the Premier League one day saying “I’m Match Fit, lads!” This is why you’re puking and crying before nine o’clock at night.

You ARE In A Round

• I don’t care who you’re with, how many of you there are or how well you know them. You are in a Round with all the people you came in with. That’s how it works. You see those twenty-five loud, burly, drunken Rugby Players on the other side of the pub? They are a pleasure to serve compared to you. They order eight pints of lager, eight pints of Guiness, six pints of bitter and three Jack Daniels, then they pay the bill in one fell swoop. Your group orders ten drinks one-at-a-time and then pays for them all one-at-a-time as the rest of pub creeps closer to Death’s eternal grasp waiting for you to finish, despite the fact nine of you are drinking the same fucking drink and the last person, THE LAST PERSON, wants a Guiness putting on. Every single person waiting to get served wants your group to die in a complicated house fire.

Know Your Locale

• Look around you. What kind of drinking establishment are you in? Is it a pub or a bar? If there’s 85 lads watching football on the telly, stop trying to be a drunk, flirty attention-whore because it won’t work. If the walls are cluttered with offers of 6 Shots Of Neon Sourz For A Fiver, don’t try asking for that Single Malt whiskey you memorized from Mad Men. Equally, if it’s a pub adorned with wood furnishings and hand-pulls, stop trying to get the Landlord to make that shitty cocktail you saw on Sex And The City.

Look at them, they’re doing it right

Hot Girls Get Served First

• Welcome to Western Civilization.

iPhone Ettiquette

• Okay, the music isn’t great. It’s nothing to write home about. But it’s been specifically selected to offend the least amount of people. It’s background music. If you want anything else, then you want to be at a club or a gig. If, however, you’ve decided to “do the pub a favour” by blaring out a playlist from your iPhone, then you are a cunt. A prize, prize cunt.

Attracting Attention

• Newsflash: You are NOT next. You might have been in the bar queue longer than anybody else, but that doesn’t mean you’re next. Do y’know why? Because there are no Official Rules Of Queueing At The Bar. The Bartender is 100% in charge of who is next. So do not piss them off. Yes, they can see you. You do not need to bang your change on the top of the bar. You do not need to wave your money around in the air, as if you’re the only person in the room with a tenner (unless it’s a Strip Club). You especially do not need to click your fingers like a Parisian Cafe Prick or whistle like a Shepherd herding his flock.  These tactics will only achieve one outcome: no matter how long you’ve been waiting up until this point, you’ve just moved yourself to the back of the queue.

Preferential Treatment

• If an old bloke sat at the bar gets served before you do, and the Bartender knows him by name and even seems to know what he’s drinking before he orders it, just shut the fuck up. That’s Ray. Ray drinks here all the time. Ray drinks here five times a week, every week. Ray’s custom pays the bills. Ray and the other Regulars keep the pub open eleven months of the year whilst you’re having diner parties and bulk-buying booze from the supermarket. Yes, they get preferential treatment. Accept it and shut the fuck up.

Time Is Time

• Pubs don’t stop serving because they hate you (that’s a lie, sometimes they do) or because it’s funny or because they get bored of selling beer. It’s a legal requirement for them to stop serving at a designated time. Once Time is called, they are legally unable to sell anymore beer. You cannot cajole them into selling more, because it’s a legal requirement. You cannot bribe them into selling more, either with the promise of drinks or money, because it’s a legal requirement. You cannot reason or argue them into selling more, because it’s a legal fucking requirement.  “Who’s gonna know? There’s nobody around, I won’t tell anyone.” THAT’S HOW THE HOLOCAUST STARTED!

See you in twelve months, you fucking pricks.

To see the author pouring pints in person, visit The Market Vaults in Stafford.

Friday 28th December 2012

It was our final job of the year, so of course everything had to go wrong. JUICE had been commissioned by a local Social Club in the heart of Stafford to book comedians and help arrange a comedy night for them. The Social Club had never had any comedy on before and were cautious about how it should be run, but the event proved to be so popular with their members that as soon as the show was announced, they sold-out before tickets could even be printed up.

One of the mandates was that this comedy show had to be all “clean” comedy. No swearing, no “blue” or “dark” material. This immediately narrows the talent pool of good comedians down, but JUICE had arranged an excellent line-up with Paul Savage as the MC, followed by the excellent talents of Craig Deeley, Rich Wall and Al Rudge. All brilliant comedians who have stormed our major shows in the past, and are deft enough to be able to work “clean”.

As the date approached, Rich Wall got in touch to say that he had unfortunately double-booked himself and asked if we could find a replacement for his spot. This is trickier than it sounds because JUICE needed to walk the tight-rope between finding a clean comedian good enough to fill Rich’s shoes on the bill, yet also one that the budget could afford. There’s a wealth of excellent clean comic Headliners on the circuit, but the lion’s share of the budget was also tied up in our very own Headline act. However, Rich Wall and Paul Savage both made recommendations to have Will Setchel take Rich’s place on the bill. Phew! Wipe your brow, everything’s going to be okay.

Then on the afternoon of the gig, after finishing up a very positive meeting with Screwfix about another private function for them in 2013, JUICE sent the address of the venue to the acts for them to plan their journeys. Following this we received a panicked phone-call from Craig Deeley. Due to a mis-communication, Craig didn’t have the gig planned out in his diary! He had plum-forgotten all about it! There was lots of embarassment on both sides as we struggled to work out how this had happened. JUICE wants to go on record now as saying that Craig Deeley is one of the nicest and most genuine comedians on the circuit, and it’s always a pleasure to work with him. Craig had just finished up a run at The Crescent Theatre in Birmingham as part of their annual Wassail shows (which he had also Directed), and just so happened to be free that very evening. Phew #2! Wipe that brow again, two narrow escapes, nothing else could possibly go wrong!

Then at 8pm, just as the show was about to start, we received a call from our Headline Act the wondery Al Rudge. With great regret Al informed us that his car had completely broken down on the Motorway, he was awaiting the AA to tow him home and would not be able to fulfil his spot. Panic! In all our years producing comedy shows, this had never happened to JUICE before! The show had begun, already with one change to the advertised bill, and now we were missing a show-closing Headliner! What followed was a series of desperate phone-calls to every comic within driving distance. Virtually no one was answering our calls (was it something we did?!) and so JUICE left begging, pleading answerphone messages for Andy Kind, James Cook, Andy White, Barbara Nice and a plethora of other great comics. Being the Thursday before Christmas, just about every comedian already had a gig, and by the time they finished up and drove to Stafford, it would be far too late.

Time ticked by as the organisers kept asking if we’d found a replacement. The JUICE Phone (which is a glowing red Bakelite) remained silent for over an hour. It was 9:20pm and the last comedian in the building was wrapping up their set. It wasn’t looking good. We’d resigned ourselves to the unhappy fact that, without a Headline Act, we’d have to end the show earlier and the Social Club would probably have to refund some money to it’s members. The situation was SO desperate that Paul Savage even suggest calling up Neil Reading and asking him to Headline the show. We all had a much needed laugh at that concept, and then went back to worrying.

Then, finally, the call was answered by Mr. Lovdev Baparga! Lovdev was the very first comedian (besides Rob & Neil titting about) to take the stage at JUICE many years ago. We’ve not had the opportunity to work with Lovdev in recent years, so it’s a testament to his generous spirit that he finished his work in Birmingham and traveled to Stafford at a moment’s notice to help us out of a jam.

Being a private show for another organiser, we won’t comment much or review the event, suffice to say that every act had the audience in stitches and negotiated the always-tricky-waters of private Social Clubs (“that’s YOU that is, Janet!”), and we’ve been commissioned to book another show for them in 2013.

That brings to a close our long-account of the ups and downs of promoting, it’s not for the weak of heart.

Boxing Day saw the publishing of our very first article, right here on our WordPress site. Up until now the JUICE writings have consisted entirely of interviews and backstage stuff, but we’re now branching out into more creative areas with some unique comedic voices. Rob Batchelor delivered his Open Letter To Rita Ora which quickly became a well-read smash-hit for JUICE! It led to a big surge in JUICE Subcribers on WordPress, and we can’t wait to see more from Mr. Batchelor in the future. If you’d like to see more from Rob B. he also writes for Beardrock and Moviefarm so check him out.

Before we go, a quick announcement that JUICE will be kicking off 2013 on New Year’s Day with the debut of JUICE Comix! Our very own comic strip written by Rob Halden and drawn by fab local artist Jade Thompson! Best believe we’ll be spamming that strip all over the internet, so make sure you look out for it!

An Open Letter To Rita Ora

Her desperation is palpable

by Rob Batchelor

I saw you on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, hit BBC1 pop music entertainment comedy panel show. You were joking around with reformed Twitter pest Jason Manford, and I get it. It was obvious. You’re the kind of person who’d be potentially interested in the idea of starting to think about JUICE Comedy. Maybe you’d had some thoughts towards collaborating on a project (or making a baby?). Maybe you just wanted to be friends. It may seem right to you but please, Rita, just stop. Rest assured: nobody at JUICE Comedy is interested. Absolutely no-one.

Please don’t be offended by these words. It doesn’t matter who wrote them because they were written in the wind – the wind that JUICE Comedy breaks on a daily basis. It’s a wind that says “Please Rita, or Ms. Ora (whichever name you prefer; it’s irrelevant for our current purposes), nobody wants you here. Don’t even think about harrassing us on the phone, emailing us, or leaving mournful answer phone messages. It’s beneath you, and it’s beneath us.”

Your songs are catchy, yes, that’s clear for all to see. “Carry On Partying Stoopid (COPS)”, “Party Time for All”, “Agree to Disagree”, “Don’t Stop Tomorrow”, “Undercover Party Girl”, “Party Time for All”, “Let’s be Sentimental (For a Moment)”, “Can’t Stop Partying”, “Party Time for All”, “Party Time”, “It’s Party Time”, “It’s the Party Time”, “Party Time for All” – all phenomenal party anthems (in fact my favourite song of yours is the little-heard album track “Phenomenal Party Anthems”). And yes, I admit, you do have a degree of singing ability – you can “carry a tune” – but as far as the relationship between Club Ora and JUICE Comedy goes, consider it a dead end. Not gonna happen. No way. The Ritamobile just turned down JUICE Comedy Lane and there’s a roadblock. Turn around, Miss Ora, and go back from whence you came. Nobody needs you here, not in that way anyway. Not in any way. I speak for everyone when I write these words, every single member of the JUICE Comedy family, without exception. Sorry.

My biggest fear is that you to take these words to heart. That’s not my intention, nor is it the intention of JUICE Comedy (being as we are, for the purposes of this letter, one and the same). This missive is here to put a stop to those rumours that could so easily start to circulate. We’d all hear them – Rita Ora-this and JUICE Comedy-that – and in my experience the best thing to do nip it in the bud right now, before it even begins.

I hope this letter reaches you, Rita, and I hope that you take it in the spirit in which it is intended. I (speaking as JUICE Comedy, which I represent in it’s entirety) apologise for any offense caused by this letter, but please leave us alone. Carry on your way.

To repeat: I speak for everyone at JUICE Comedy when I write these words.

Think of this letter as a rejection from an audition. I’m sure you’re stage school educated, or at least au fait with the audition process: a group of performers show up and ply their wares for a group of people considering making a project. This initial group is whittled down until the number of auditionees needed for the project is arrived at. Rita, you should consider yourself whittled. Whittled by JUICE.

Don’t feel brushed off by JUICE Comedy because really, it’s not like that at all. We can be friends, if you can solemnly promise to just keep it at that calm, collected level. I feel like being friends may be too much – maybe it would be better to remain acquaintances  Or strangers. The ball is in your court on this matter, and believe me it is a lovely court. Just not the sort of court that JUICE Comedy would be interested in playing on.

It’s not like you don’t have a career of your own to attend to! You have had enormous success with your many singles, and you have worked with Jay-Z. Jay-Z! Hova! That’s a big deal, if you like Jay-Z! You should concentrate on making your hit singles even hitter(?), because that would be a better use of your time. Treat everyone at JUICE Comedy (without exception, every single person) as you would a limb that has been lost in battle – it’s detached, and while there may still be a tingling sensation when you think about it, you know that it’s gone. Separate. In a hospital bin somewhere. Put us in the hospital bin of your mind, because we have already put you in ours (no offence). This doesn’t stop you admiring us from a distance, downloading the Podcasts etc., but please don’t try and contact us. It’s best that way. Really.

And you, Kristen Bell.

Wednesday 19th December 2012

JUICE suffered some technical difficulties this week when we were left without internet connection for days, which meant that Episode Two of JUICE News didn’t get posted. Since it’s a topical web-show, we won’t be posting it a week late. There’s nothing worse than comedians telling old jokes that nobody cares about anymore. But we’ll be shooting a new episode this week so look out for that later in the week!

Last week we finished off our comedy year by hosting a special show for Paul Savage. Regular readers will know that Paul Savage has been working with JUICE Comedy for quite a few years now, and he’s the Resident Compere for our shows at The Gatehouse Theatre. Paul has been a stand-up comic for over five years now, and has crafted his very first full-length comedy show called ‘A Cheerful Shambles’. JUICE was in audience when this show debuted at the Birmingham Comedy Festival earlier this year and snapped up the chance to put the show on in Stafford for our comedy fans here.

This is the first full-length comedy show that JUICE has had the opportunity to put on, so we decided to keep the guest list exclusive rather than leave it open to the public. We advertised the show just to our loyal JUICE Followers and got a great response the real fans of comedy that live in Stafford. There was a great atmosphere in Number 15 on Thursday night as the audience was made up of people who have supported JUICE Comedy all year round.

The show itself was brilliant. Paul Savage really matured and evolved as a performer during the hour-long set. Paul’s rambling journey through a series of embarrassing life events really took root with the audience. Crucially, Paul was able to do what all great headlining comics should be able to do. Namely, create spontaneous moments of comedy gold with the audience, moments that exist separately from the planned material but don’t detract from it. These are one-off moments that the audience can see and feel are happening spontaneously and just for them. Not only are these moments fun, but they elevate the rest of the planned material in the show by adding a real truth to the routines and jokes. Paul connected with the audience by showing the truth of his character . . . that of a very silly, neurotic and borderline autistic man with a small mouth.

It was fantastic to see Paul, who does the majority of his work for JUICE as a compere and MC, hold an audience for a full-hour and get belly laughs and applause-breaks from them throughout. After the show, Rob Halden brought Paul back onto the stage to do a Q&A session with the audience, which allowed Paul to go through another ten minutes of routines he’d left out of the main show.

We received a plethora of great feedback from audience members, and it was a lovely way for JUICE to close the calender year. But even as 2012 draws to a close, we’re busy making BIG plans for 2013! We’re looking for more ways we can make you laugh next year with some brand new projects. Earlier in the year the J-blog announced that our very own comic-strip will be starting in 2013. Check out a sneak peak of JUICE Comix!

This week JUICE commenced plans to bring a host of original articles and blogs from some of your favourite JUICE comedians right here to this very WordPress site!  We’re giving an open-platform to these very talented comedians to create funny and original content exclusively for YOU, our beloved JUICE Followers! Two names attached to the project so far include the hilarious Jayne Edwards and the hysterical Kiri Pritchard-McLean!

So whilst we’re winding down for 2012 don’t think there’ll be a lack of updates here, or at juicecomedy.co.uk We’ll still have the weekly Podcast show with Rob & Neil and (technology allowing) a new episode of JUICE News for you to digest before the New Year.

To all of you out there who have come along and enjoyed one of our comedy shows in 2012 we want to say thank you for supporting grass-roots comedy and local entertainment in Stafford. Onward & upward for 2013!

Monday 10th December 2012

Well, dear reader, we’re fast approaching the last JUICE event of the year. On Thursday night we’re having a special showing of Paul Savage’s first-ever one man show called ‘A Cheerful Shambles’. This is going to be a private little show for an exclusive number of JUICE fans. Shows like this are very different to the more regular Friday-Night-Out comedy experience, and we want to create a great atmosphere for Paul’s first full-length show.

Paul Savage began gigging regularly for JUICE a number of years ago. We ran a very ill-advised gig at a pretty dreadful pub in Stafford called The Bird In Hand. Attendance was always low, we got virtually no support from the management and it could generally be a real pain of a gig. We hired Paul to come in and MC the show, and somehow he managed to make the gig fun. Over the years we’ve seen Paul grow and improve as a comedian, and we’ve been witness to the numerous moments of spontaneous comedy gold that he’s been able to create, off-the-cuff, as a performer.

JUICE is really excited to be closing the year off with what is sure to be a lovely little gig with one of our favourite comedians and an audience of friends who have been supporting us for years.

Speaking of Festival Shows, JUICE is in talks with a good friend from Up North to bring some top-quality shows from some top-quality comics (including an old JUICE favourite from our earlier years), right to the heart of Stafford in 2013! The J-blog will have more details for you as they get confirmed.

As seems like our relationship with Stafford FM has come to an end (although we’re still in the dark as to what’s really been going on over there). JUICE always assumed that our partnership with Stafford FM would come to a crashing end when Rob Halden said something terrible enough to get himself kicked off the air. We imagined fines and lawsuits and villagers with pitchforks. Instead it’s been an anti-climatic whimper. But fret not, dear reader! For the JUICE Comedy Show lives on in the glorious form of a Podcast!

Rob & Neil will be teaming up once a week, just like normal, with some of the more popular features like The Gig Guide and the TV Round-Up carrying on! We’ll also be able to use the swear words like “fuck” and the definitely-not-swear-words-which-Stafford-FM-mysteriously-banned like “vagina” (seriously…we weren’t allowed to say vagina on the air. The correct, proper, medical word for female genitalia, the word we teach kids in school, was deemed too “offensive” for an audience listening between 10pm and Midnight).

The Podcast format means we can get away with speaking our minds on anything, censorship free. We’re also advert free as well. We’ve got some nice plans for future Podcast episode, including musical guests on the shows! You can Listen To The First Episode Here or you can Download It From iTunes and stick it in your ear-holes later!

This week also saw the launch of our brand new video feature JUICE News! We wanted to create some original and silly that would entertain you guys for a few minutes on your lunch break, and something that wasn’t trying to flog you tickets to a gig or a show. And so we created the formula of Making-Fun-Of-Celebrities! Check out the first edition of JUICE News below!

Get in touch and let us know what you think!

Thursday 6th December 2012

Monday night was the blockbuster  JUICE-A-Nanny show in which we celebrated eight years of being in the comedy world, and the J-blog has got a full gig-report for you!

JUICE-A-Nanny Year 8

Venue: Joxer Brady’s, Stafford

Line-up: Harriet Dyer, Michael J. Dolan, Billy McGuire, Paul Savage, Dr. Joseph Ettrick-Hogg, Lou Chawner, Phil Pagett, Dave Dinsdale, Tom Allsopp, The Man Called WudWud

For the first time ever the show was hosted by both Neil Reading & Rob Halden doing dual MC’ing. This meant the hosting of the show had a lot in common with their weekly radio show on Stafford FM. It was so much fun we can’t think why they haven’t done it before. Rob and Neil will be the first to admit that they’re not the best Comperes in the world, and whilst they did stumble down a couple of blind alleys and let the energy in the room drop from time to time, there was some great natural banter between them and a lot of laughs were had with the two of them on stage together (which is more than can be said for when they Compere on their own…just saying, guys!).

With the new start time of 8 pm, not all comedians could arrive in time for the start of the show. This meant that the running order of comics could not be fully fleshed out beforehand. We had to arrange the first section of the show based around whoever was in the building, and then leave the rest of the planning for when the other acts had arrived. Usually when booking the New Act/New Material Show we have to pay special attention to which acts are a bit wet behind the ears and make sure they are complimented on the bill by the more seasoned performers, making sure that a section opens with confidence (to set up the section for all the other acts) and then ends with a bang (to make sure the punters come back after the break). But with this line-up of really great comedians it was difficult to place them in a running order, because they were all so good!

Paul Savage took the bullet and went on first. He carried a lot of nice energy with him on the stage and immediately carried out some good audience interraction with a blue-haired girl in the front row called Siobhan (more on her later). When Paul allows himself to slip into his “angry rant at the world” mode, he is truly brilliant and funny and it makes you wish he did it more. Paul’s new material really found some gold with his bit on Post Apocalypse Observational Comedy. Yes, it’s as crazy as it sounds but it’s beautiful, funny stuff that the audience loved! Paul was worried that this material would only appeal to comedians, but a number of audience members said it was their favourite part of the night.

 Harriet Dyer’s new material was more embarrassing-yet-true stories from her life, which included being egged by a stag party on the streets of Manchester. Whilst Harriet herself is a zany and anarchic performer, she manages to convey the truth in her stories that connect with the audience and make the stories funny. Harriet made numerous spontaneous tangents from her set to interact with the audience, which did, unfortuneately distract from the flow and the narrative.

Next up was Dr. Josephine…we mean Joseph Ettrick-Hogg, who is definitely a man. Jo’s got a really entertaining character which allows her to be both filthy and sexist whilst subverting the concepts and mindsets of those who’d both tell and enjoy such jokes. Wonderfully, there were several occasions where you could see Jo breaking character and laughing at some of the spontaneous moments with the audience, which was really nice.

 The first section was closed by the eccentric Billy McGuire who’s been a stalwart of the JUICE-A-Nanny shows for a number of years now. Billy gruff exterior quickly melts away with the pleasant lilt of his voice and the whimsy of his delivery and set. He brought out all the old Billy Favourites and took us into the break very nicely.

During the break we had a surge of comedians arriving, allowing us to wipe our collective brows. There was plenty of cake to be passed around, including some delicious homemade treats from Billy’s excellent wife Yolanda.

Dave Dinsdale has recently made a return to comedy after a brief, and successful, sojourn into the world of theatre. The JUICE-A-Nanny marked Dave’s return to JUICE, so it was great to have him open the second part of the show. Dave seems to have gained a renewed enthusiasm for stand-up, and he threw himself into this performance with aplomb. He also had some very nice new jokes in with all the classics.

Phill Pagett took the audience on a ride through his wonderful one-liners and threw out some new material in the mix as well. Phil’s got confidence and excellent delivery, but also possesses great gags. In short, he’s got everything a comedian needs. Pagett did come up against one of Stafford’s idiosyncrasies, as this appeared to be an audience not overly fond of dark material. Sometimes this is because there’s a higher percentage of women in the audience (which there was at the show) but not always. Some of Phil’s gags that would absolutely kill in most areas of the country, were met with some cautious “ooh”s and embarrassed laughter. Yet this didn’t knock Phil’s pace and he delivered a very funny routine.

When introducing Lou Chawner, Rob Halden decided to have a little fun (mainly because he’d been on the booze) and said to the audience “if you weren’t fond of some of Phil Pagett’s dark jokes…you’re fucked now! Here’s Lou Chawner!” and this was probably not the best way to introduce an act. Lou was trying out some new material, and a lot of the jokes were quite dark, but the audience had already been put in a particular mind-set by Rob’s introduction. The gag about “spastics” probably didn’t help either. Lou got laughs and entertained everyone, but the material would no doubt have received better from a different audience. After the gig, Lou was eager to point out that his set was not actually that dark and when he performs a full routine there are just as many light moments of levity as there are juicy dark gags. He’s right, but that didn’t stop us from chanting “spastic” at him.

The final section of the show saw Michael J. Dolan make his first appearance for JUICE. It’s unusual for us to book a new act on the end-of-year show, as we generally reserve it for our favourite acts. But the wonderful Kiri Pritchard-McLean had asked a favour of us in booking Michael before the end of the year. And we love Kiri so we got him on the show and ended up being very glad that we did. Michael’s performance is full of hate, but is not an angry or shouty act. Michael’s hate is targeted largely at himself, with also some healthy shots taken at the general public. There’s a lot of entertaining, rambling introspection in this set. There were quite a few stops & starts to the routine, but this was down to the set being quite new. But Michael impressed us all and JUICE looks forward to having him back in 2013.

Next up was Wudwud, whose routine involves deliberately contrived puns being drawn out over time to squeeze laughs out of the crowd. Once the audience gets into the act, there are some very nice laughs to be had as Wudwud takes you all-round-the-houses to get to a very simple bit of word-play.

The show ended with the frustratingly versatile Tom Allsopp. Tom performs each and every month at our New Material Show, and not only is every performance brand new material, but it virtually never fails to be hilarious. All the other comedians hate him. This show was no different, as Tom delivered a great monologue/story about swimming as a child. A great way to close the show and, indeed, to end the year.

During the night we also held the annual JUICE Comedy Awards. This year we awarded Performer Of The Year to . . .

Harriet Dyer! Harriet has had a brilliant year and really improved and honed her abilities on the circuit, as well as doing some excellent work for JUICE. We’re very proud to name her the JUICE Comedy Performer Of The Year 2012

Much like last year, we decided to create a second award for one of our regular performers. We called this award the Comedian’s Comedian Award as we were giving it to a grizzled veteran of the stand-up circuit . . .

Billy McGuire! Billy is a comedian who has been with JUICE since nearly the very beginning, playing some of our best, and worst, venues. Earlier this year he had a triumph of a performance at our show in The Gatehouse Theatre. Virtually every audience member who spoke to us after the gig said that Billy was their favourite act, and that was no mean feat on a bill with some top pro-comics.

Oh, and Rob Halden also decided to name Siobhan With The Blue Hair  as the best audience member of the night. Rob’s reasons for this included Siobhan having good audience interaction with most of the comics on the show, having blue hair, and finally “being dead fit”. We here at JUICE Comedy would like to point out that this was in no way an official award, and Rob’s opinions do no necessarily reflect the opinions of JUICE or our parent company (Reading/Halden Industries) . . . however, in this instance, Siobhan was dead fit.

It was a great, fun show all-round and we hope you can join us next year as we celebrate a frankly-baffling 9 years of JUICE!

Monday 3rd December 2012

Tonight, Dear Reader, we celebrate a whopping EIGHT YEARS of JUICE Comedy! This evening at Joxer Brady’s we’re having a special show featuring some of our favourite ever comedians, some beers, cake and balloons and hopefully a lot of laughs. The annual JUICE-A-Nanny has taken on a life of its own, and the comics who perform on it regularly seem to really enjoy the show. It also plays host to the little awards we hand out every year. We reward the comedian we’ve worked with who with think has been the Best Performer Of The Year. We also create a second award to recognise a different comedian. Last year we named Kiri Pritchard-McLean the Breakout Act Of The Year, but this time we’re doing something a bit different. There’ll be a full gig report from the show later in the week.

Later this week we’re starting a brand new online feature for our YouTube Channel. We can’t reveal too much, but it’s tenatively titled JUICE News, and we’re hoping you’ll all find it as entertaining as we do!

We’ve also had the chance to see some of the latest artwork for our upcoming comic strip! Artist Jade Thompson is working her way through the scripts and creating some fun, original and funny comics for us! JUICE Comix will kick off in the New Year, so stay tuned for that!

We’ve also heard some tumultuous news about Stafford FM, which will be effecting the JUICE Comedy Radio Show. As of this writing the radio station isn’t broadcasting online and seems to have had a falling out with the owner of the station building. At this moment Stafford FM is looking for a new home to continue broadcasting. We’ll let you know what’s going on with the JUICE Radio Show as we hear it!